Some of the most heated arguments that I have with my wife are over the purchase of toys. My criteria for buying toys is two fold; how much does it cost and what kind of emergency care will be required when I step on it in the middle of the night? As you can imagine, I have an uncontrollable HATE for Lego's, Matchbox Cars and any kind of Star Wars action figure with a light sabre attached to it. You should "feel the force" when any one of these babies pierces the arch of your foot at 2am. For me, a string of profanity follows one of these experiences and I often receive puzzled glares from next door neighbors during the next sacrament meeting.
So my wife and I argue about toys and how me not buying the newest "Action Hero's Figurines" will somehow warp our boys and turn them into social deviants. "I bet Jeffry Dahmer never had toys and look how HE turned out" is a common argument (When Lisa read this she was pissed because she claims she has never made this comment. But it's how I remember it and since it's MY Blog, it's MY reality. She has promised to comment below...) We have THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of toys in bins scattered throughout our home that are rarely if ever used. It's my insurance policy should any of my kids turn into homosexual mass murdering cannibals. "You honor, it's impossible that my son did this, according to my wife we have every 'Little People' play set ever created."
My point is that we could have saved millions of dollars if we had simply purchased a flushing urinal. My kids LOVE the bathroom, it's their favorite place to play. They sit on the counter and run the water in the sink for hours on end, taking bottles and bottles of prescription medication and dumping them down the drain "Daaaad, they aren't pills, they are SUBMARINES!" My son Jack has the amazing ability to let all of the compressed air out of shaving cream bottles and cans of mousse without disturbing the contents inside. Logan is less skilled and enjoys emptying the air AND the contents into drawers for us to find later. Noah used to spends weeks just opening and closing the shower door and to this day I have images of Elijah laying in a big pile of dirty laundry and rolling around in them making dirty laundry snow angles 'weeeeeeeee' even the dog was confused.
Older couples assure us "these moments will pass and when they get older you will miss times like these." I have learned that this is a total load o' crap. I have yet to find ANY of them take me up on my offer to house one of my boys for a week to "bring back those memories."
However, you can take it from a wily veteran that toys are over rated, Disneyland is a sham and more than anything kids would be much more happy playing with your toothbrush in the toilet than riding the Pirates of the Caribbean.