I particularly loathe the British experts who judge these horrible things..."I tot your moo-ment was bril-yunt and your swoon devyne. Luv-LAY dah-ling, ahb-sew-loot-luh luv-LAY." Remember a long time ago when we kinda got fed up with the British and like fought them? I think we called them the "Red Coats?" When did America decided it was a good time to bring them back and have them judge us on how to do it right? When people talk about the "dumbing down of America" I automatically think of shows like this.
Fortunately for you my brave readers, I have some tv show ideas myself. You want a good show? I have a great one, it's called Dancing With The Tards. My guests would be Bill Maher, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears (with super dumb dancing partner K-Fed), John Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Rosie O'Donell and Kato Caitlin. The audience would be allowed to throw Molotov cocktails at any and all performers. The first person eliminated would be the first one to catch fire. Everyone else advances to the next round.
My other great tv show would be Drinking and Driving With The Stars. In this show we get a bunch of C-listers to chug drinks that are invented by the audience. They are then handed keys to a car and drive around LA with a film crew behind them taping every delicious moment and near miss. Points are awarded on car damage as well as the speed in which they get pulled over. Points are given for both high AND low speed chases and BONUS points awarded for LA Police beatings.
The show could even be sponsored by Hyundai or Ford as a way of showing off how well their cars can wrap around a lamp post (voiceover) Ford Fusion. If you drive drunk, we have darn good airbags! My C-list stars on this show would be any and all of the Osmonds (I think Marie would make a FASCINATING drunk), TV Evangelist Benny Hinn, Nancy Reagan, Lindsay Lohan, Hannah Montana and my personal favorite Stevie Wonder. (I think that Stevie would be the hands on favorite to win the whole thing.)
Well, just a few ideas for you guys to ponder. I would be interested in hearing which guests you would enjoy having on my shows. I'm grateful that Spring is here and I will soon be mowing the lawn instead of watching crappy shows like Dancing With The Stars. Although I have to admit that I like the thought of Benny Hinn in a Hyundai racing around LA intoxicated. "Put your faith in GEEEEE-SUS! GEE-SUS is my co-pilot. GEE-SUS will SAVE ME! My heavens, when did these friggin cops get armed with taserszZZZzzzzZZzzzZZZZz? GEESUS!"
Who will witness say-hallelujah?