Friday, May 9, 2008

Tripping Over Dollars To Pick Up Dimes (and Pennies)

Did you know that it costs our government 2 cents to make a 1 cent penny? Am I the only one who finds that well, I don't know IRONIC? So that old phrase "A penny saved is a penny earned" is reall full of doo-doo because if you have a penny you are costing everyone else two. If you see anyone using a penny you should walk up to them at the cash register, slap them across the face and exclaim "Do you have any freakin idea how much that is costing us?!?" Seriously, the new saying should say "A penny saved is two down the poop shoot." We need to re-write that phrase in the spirit of honesty.

Yeah, I guess that it has to do with the manufacturing process and the costs of material, but when I read that I had to laugh out loud. I am anxious to hear how many businesses out there survive on selling their products at a 200% loss... consistently. God Bless America.

What can anyone buy with a penny anymore? As a kid, my wife could go rollerskating on Tuesday nights if they brought in a wheat penny, but that was years ago and in Iowa. I remember penny candy but barely. I guess that a penny can make you feel incredibly rich if you stuff a ton of them in your pockets. Of course, you will sound like a dog on a leash, but it may make some people wonder if you have quarters in there. At least you will FEEL rich.

I also read that our beloved US Postal Office is raising postage stamps another (you guessed it) penny next week. Have you ever sat next to someone who was trying hard to keep their candy wrapper quiet while trying to sneak food during meetings? It's that slow wrapple wrapple sound that basically alerts the whole room to the fact that you are cheatin before the break? I feel that way about the post office. Sure, what's a penny, but I am hearing the wrapple and watching the guilty face of the US Post Office trying to keep it quiet. I actually looked this up and found out that postage stamps have been raised 17 times since 1974. In those days stamps cost 10 cents. Can you hear the wrapple wrapple?

So I understand that costs increase, but 17 times just seems a waste of a lot of 1 cent stamps. I would like to vote for stamps to just be 50 cents for the next 5 years and be done with it. Like taking off a bandaid, just rip it. It only stings for a minute plus I won't be so annoyed.

My final suggestion is to have the US Mint just send all of those new shiney pennies straight to the post office with a note that says "Here's your damn pennies. We have a variety of ideas on where you can stick them. Stop wrappling your candy wrappers, we all know you are cheating and you are totally busted." I think Lincoln would at least appreciate the honesty.

4 comments:

Alicia said...

A guest on the Colbert Report a few weeks ago said the EXACT same thing. he said that we should round up or round down an only use nickels. I would have to agree with this. No more nasty copper pennies. Can I sign some sort of petition?

Katrina said...

It's funny you mention penny candy - I remember when you got a dollar for your birthday, and you took it to the little corner candy store there in Orem and bought 100 pieces of candy - including rootbeer barrels, misc. hard candies, and those nasty penny, hard pink, bubble gums. I wouldn't cross the street for them now, but it was a high rankin' commodity in the kid world!

I also remember big candy bars were $.25, as was a Ramblin' Rootbeer. It could be a hard choice, but candy bar would ultimately win out.

We must have looked pretty pathetic, because we would also search over the tootsie pops to find one with the Indian shooting the star on the wrapper in order to get ANOTHER one. TWO tootsie pops for the price of one! So you could get a standard (orange, grape, chocolate) AND something exotic, like the raspberry.

As for pennies, I don't mind pennies. I suspect that things even out for the government and all USA-kind in the dollar production. It takes, like two pennies to make $100, right? They're still ahead by 9,998 pennies. Go ahead, get the copper! And if you've ever juggled around a whole bag of pennies, it is quite a marvelous sensation. Money money money! Okay, well, some people like it. And if you've got the time, you can truly appreciate the cost of a stamp, noisy candy, or a candy bar by counting out the cost in pennies. :D

GS Wilson said...

Typical government stupidity.
So what am I supposed to do with the saying, "A penny for your thoughts"? If someone thinks my thoughts are worth a penny, does that mean that my thinking is actually costing more than its worth?

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